I am a ChinaMobile customer service MM. One day, an uncle called in to swear at ChinaMobile.  After several minutes of swearing, he dropped his harsh words: "No more ChinaMobile (cellphone) cards, I will use ChinaUnicom!" I asked the uncle calmly,  "Is there anything else I could do to help?" Uncle was silent for a few seconds and said wrongly: "Why don't you detain me, detain me..."

I work as a manager in a mobile phone store. Customers will ask for discounts from acquaintances in the store, some from the boss, some from the manager and some from the clerk. Yesterday, some people even said they knew McDull (my dog, often wandering in the shop). Only when I asked, did I know that they treated McDull at his home last year. He was a pet doctor! Sweat!

It is said that there was an interview for the postgraduate entrance examination. The postgraduate students who took the examination were in the direction of Yuan, Ming and Qing Dynasty. The teacher asked: "What books have you read?" Student answered: "Many of them, include <Jin Ping Mei>." The teacher asked again: "What edition did you watch?" Student answer: "It's a Taiwanese version with ten DVDs." I remember all the teachers who interviewed at that time were dumb, waved the guy out, and then laughed wildly in the room. Since then, it has become our classic joke. It's true. Needless to say, he failed. I didn't know whether his second exam was successful.

Listen to my friend, there is a fat cat at his home... One day, when the fat cat had eaten cat food, his father went to bed with his meal and watched TV. The fat cat still wants to eat so it got around his friend's father. Later, he jumped on the bed. My friend's father said: "How can you come to bed? Wash your face if you want to come up!" Without a meowing, the fat cat jumped out of bed, wiped and wiped its face, and then jumped up again, harvesting a piece of meat... Meowing, how do you know what people say, it's terrible!

My classmate, male, sneaked smoking in the toilet with several classmates in high school and was discovered by the headmaster. They all looked at the principal nervously, only to see the principal take out a ZhongHua cigarette from his pocket and say, "you all smoke!" They said, "We wouldn't dare to smoke again, principal." The principal said again, " Smoke, don't mention it,  one by one, who first drops the ashes, then find whose parents..."

My Friend has recently held two job fairs, several of which make people can't hold laugh. 1. Male, about 45 years old, as soon as he comes up, he asks the address of the company, then asked what he wants to do. He says to go and have a look. What does he want to see? Then he Barabara started his own management experience, what kind of team he brought with him. Then asked him "where did he graduate" , he said, "I learned by myself". 2, the person who is too long and too weak in speaking, "can you use office software ?" "Yes, that's very simple." "What about PowerPoint?" "Look at that, it's quite easy.” "How to operate?" "Just do that, step by step." "What about Excel? "This is super simple, and " "Can you tell me something about your commonly used functions?    "Just those." "Which ones?" "Oh, it will be some time to learn when I work...

Say my wife is a preschool teacher, once she asked the children in her class, "do you know what your surname is?" A girl surnamed Yang( also means sheep in Chinese ), said immediately, "Teacher, my surname is Yang." So, everyone seems to understand... they shouted, "teacher, my surname is  dog,"" my surname is  pig." (They mistakenly thought they were to let them say their zodiac)

I am a girl, study in a military academy, we usually go out. The school Prohibits us from wearing military uniforms outside school. Once I went out in military uniform with two roommates, then two four-year-old girls pointed at us and said: "Mom, look, the female uncle of the Liberation Army, the female uncle of the Liberation Army!"

There is a lovely boy in my colleague's home. There is  a pair of twins in the class after primary school. The boy who has never seen the twins feels very strange. He rushes to people and asks: "Who are you two, who is real and who is fake?" They said with black lines on their faces: "We are both real!"   

Yesterday I went out to play and got caught in the rain. I went to the hospital early this morning for a drip. I was having a consultation. A young mother went to the hospital with a young prince in her arms. He's naive to say, Mom, "what are we doing here?" Mom, "injections...(hit injections in Chinese)" The boy said, "why do you need (to hit the) an injection? What's wrong with the injection?Doesn't the needle hurt?" … Five minutes later, the boy began to roar: "It was a needle that hit me. This is an injection for me..."

I want to eat cookies when I go online today and ask her to get a bag. After eating, ask her to get another bag. She answered: "Don't need to take it anymore. I know you're voracious. I brought you two bags!" After saying that, she pulled out another bag from behind... Voracious mom is under great pressure!

My sister practiced martial arts as a child and won numerous medals, but she has a lady figure and face! When my brother-in-law in school, he was a high-caliber student in the Academy of Literature. He was good at playing chess, calligraphy, and painting. He was also handsome, but he was weak in stature. Because my brother-in-law is a very talented student, he is very competitive in school. One day several boys came to trouble their brother-in-law, that was my sister who happened to pass by. Alas... Poor for the three boys. When my brother-in-law was so grateful, my sister squeezed her fist and said: "Be my boyfriend, or you'll end up with them!" So... My sister got it. Yesterday my husband and I went to my sister's house. My brother-in-law came to cook and wash dishes after dinner. My husband joke with my brother-in-law. "My brother-in-law, why don't you learn some self-defense skills?" My sister said that he had learned it. "Have ...

  In the morning, Dad said to Dodo (a kindergarten girl):    "Today is Valentine's Day, you are my last life's little lover, so I will wait for you at the school gate, let's celebrate Valentine's Day together.", "I want to draw, I have no time to accompany you," Duo answered." "Then I'll wait all the time.", Dad still insists! At that time, Dodo looked into his father's eyes and calmly answered:    "Let's not to talk about the past life!"

When I was in high school, I took my mobile phone to school. Then I was discovered by the head teacher, I was taken to the office for teaching and my parents were called to be there. As soon as my father came into the office, the teacher told him about me. Then it's the point, my father broke the cell phone without saying a word. Then the head teacher collapsed and said "it was my cell phone."

My mom paid ADSL for two years. One day she asked me to see why her WiFi wasn't working. I found that her router had been put in the drawer as long as she paid. So she had been using her neighbor's wifi all the time! Embarrassed...

I am a girl, and I was the second child in my family. At that time, my family preferred boys. When my mother was pregnant with me, my grandmother said that if I were a boy, I would stay, and the girl would be abortion. So I put my finger down there on the day of ultrasound examination, and I survived. So they were all shocked after birth, as I was an accident, so my self-protection was amazing...

I have a three-year-old boy, who is eating "leisure fun (biscuits)" one day. When I came back from work and sees him, I coaxed the biscuit in his hand, snaps a bite and returns. When the baby sees that the biscuit is missing a large piece, he quits and stamps his feet and turns around! I stood there and giggled, only to see my wife come out and stare at me. Then I took the biscuit from the baby's hand, bit it again, smoothed the gap, and returned. That's the point! The baby became quiet! He was having a biscuit to play contentedly, leaving me in a mess... Simple baby cannot hurt. Ah, I would tell you that I later bit several pieces and play several times?

Last semester, a new student of our school jumped out of the building because of their disappointing love, then died. The teacher who teaches us advanced mathematics this semester is an old lady over 50 years old. She is very strict with us. Every class must be roll-call. Everyone must come to class before he arrives, even by a call. Call the counselor directly if the student doesn't come! We are all tired of this teacher. We feel that we are all in college and that we didn't need to be as strict as in high school. We call her an old witch, privately. Later, we learned that the student who jumped from the building last semester was her student, and that's he who didn't arrive at her class just then. He jumped and died. She has always regretted that if she had called the roll or called him to come to class, maybe the student would not have died! We were all silent when we knew the truth... Next semester, there is no class for her. May the teacher live a long l...

There is a five-year-old cousin at home... One day his father bought him a hamster. He liked all kinds of love. But the good times are not long. Hamster hangs up. My cousin is sad and sad. He cried all day with him. His father said to him: "Don't be sad, it was all dead, throw out the trash can!” That's the point, my cousin cried and said: "I'll throw you in the garbage can when you're dead"  It turned out that his father gave him a good lesson.

The kindergarten is on vacation, I took my daughter back and forth to live in the countryside. An old cat I raised in high school is old enough to lose its teeth. It's too slow to catch mice, so it's all fed by my mother. My daughter did not see a cat, she especially likes the cat. Everyone knows that the cat will be buried after pulling, but my daughter can not bear to it. Every time when the cat pulled, she will dig out and throw the toilet, so the cat was following my daughter and miaowing. After I explained that it was a good hygienic habit for cats sever times, she finally stopped digging. When I got up in the morning, I found my daughter wrapped her stools in a paper towel. Then she took the cat to bury it. When she buried it, she turned over the cat's previous stools. The poor old cat had to toss around on the ground for more than two hours before cleaning up the scene.

I remember when I was in high school, CS was very popular. Everyone skipped classes and went to the Internet cafe. We went over the wall. A friend just climbed up, and the director came by running. He roared fiercely, "boy!  What are you doing?"    Friends are extremely nervous, " I was riding the fence!"    The director did not respond and asked me angrily, "then, what are you doing?"    I'm silly then, too. I dare not to lie, " I was seeing that he rides the fence! "    Finally, the director came back to his mind and laughed...   

A company in China recruited a Japanese as its chief operating officer. On the first day of work, he said to his subordinates: "I'm a workaholic. I hope you can cooperate with me."  A month later, he returned to Japan. His last words were: "It's inhumane of you to work overtime like this."

I had a fight with my girlfriend last night... When I got up in the morning, I saw a big breakfast on the table. My heart was very touched. Who knows, when I took a bite, my face changed instantly. I ran to the water dispenser and found it empty. I found a note on it: "I knew you could not eat spicy food. I put half a bottle of mustard oil on purpose.There is no water at home today, dear, go outside and buy water, forgive you." My heart... Tears streamed down my face... Honey, I will never dare to make it again!!!

I unexpectedly remembered the age of stealing watermelon in my childhood. Think for a long time, the buddies decided to dress up as girls. (girls are usually timid, they don't usually do these things，so they won't be easily recognized.) We stole our sister's skirt, covered our faces with big hats. Then we took the watermelons off the ground and went back in our arms. All passers-by saw us, then Pointed at us and said, "It's a sin. You're pregnant at such a young age. You see, your stomach is bulging like a watermelon..." We were sweating  all the way.

One day, I ate with some colleagues. One was a very frugal man. After dinner, all kinds of food were packed by the colleague to take away, including half of the drinks. The colleague took half of the yogurt and a bottle of Sprite and went to the door. My colleague who paid for it saw the yogurt in his hand and said, "It seems that he didn't buy any yogurt." Everyone was amazed. After a while, a waiter came out and said, "Who of you took away my detergent?" and then he saw the yogurt bottle in my colleague's hand,  so snatched away...

Today, I went home on the light rail. Everyone was playing with his cell phone on the bus. Suddenly, an eldest brother's cell phone rang. I looked at his cell phone subconsciously. By the way, the caller showed that  was "Not human." I See elder brother respectfully say "Boss, what's wrong?" after connecting. Suddenly suffocated internal injury to hold back the laugh.

When I was young, I lived in an old-fashioned courtyard. The toilet was the simple one with pits in the back. The big dog had just given birth to a puppy for more than a month. One day, the big dog suddenly came to me to hum and haw and turned to run toward the toilet. At that time, I was still young and playful. I said I didn't understand it. The dog turned around and began to bite my trouser legs to show me the way to the toilet. I finally put down the toys and followed the big dog to the toilet. There was only one small dog head left in the pool. Didn't know when it would fall in. The big dog looked at me with the eyes of the savior, so I turned my face at the dog's head and pulled the dog out with my hands. The following is to omit all kinds of nausea (the people for dinner please forgive). The puppy is finally clean. The big dog is grateful to me for all kinds of flattery. When I come back from the evening study, I have to go through a graveyard. The big dog al...

Remember when I was in junior high school. Students who didn't learn well are arranged behind the class, I am one of them. One day in math class, a few of us secretly flew out of the window in the back of the Origami plane. Our classroom was on the fourth floor. The plane could fly very far. When the students folded it up, they saw the teacher writing on the blackboard with his back. As soon as they raised their hands, they flew out. Several of us watched one planes fly out of the third window in an arc, then it came in from the first window and went straight to the math teacher. A girl shouted "Teacher", the teacher turned around, just burst, we were all shocked. The teacher was furious and shouted., "Ah, who is it? Stand up!" We are all scared. Nobody spoke. At this time, the students in front explained to the teacher that the plane flew in was from the window outside. The teacher gradually calmed down his anger. But this is not the point. Just ...

Our company uses a fingerprint attendance system, which deducts money even if it is late at 9:01. But Beijing's traffic, you understand. Seeing that I was going to be late this morning, I took a few steps and finally pressed my fingerprint at nine o'clock sharp. Thank God! What was unexpected was that the attendance machine showed the names of colleagues. I collapsed. This pit daddy's stuff!Where did I go?

I once hosted a local traffic hotline. The guest was a traffic policeman. He answered all kinds of questions about accident procedures. One day, a woman entered the hotline: "I lost my driver's license, and then I lost it, and I got another one, and I can't find it." The uncle police said, "Why do you always lose things? Driver's license is as important as protecting your wallet ID card." The woman said, "Oh, I lost it with my ID card in my wallet.I want to ask a question. I haven't found a new lost certificate. I found my first lost driver's license in my boots. Is it still available?" The policeman said, "Go home first and pour all your shoes down!"

My home is in the alley, that is to say, there are people living in the front and back alleys.On the first floor of the lane opposite the window of my room, there is a family (rented). The children in that family are very bad. Every time I open the window to read, he sprays water into my window with a water gun. Every time the book gets wet, I was very uncomfortable. I have scolded and scolded, but he stayed the same.(The boy was in fifth grade.) I always want to get a chance to retaliate. I found that the kid always liked watching TV when he was okay, and the set-top box of his TV was facing my window. So the first thing I do when I put down my schoolbag after school is: Pick up my remote control! Change the channel for him! So every day I can always hear such a dialogue. "Mom!TV has changed itself again! " "You must have sat the remote control..." "No!Just come here to see!" Then I stop changing stations... The mother thought the ...

In the afternoon, I went to the Internet cafe to play CF and sat next to a non-mainstream girl. She turns the monitor on and off, and murmur how the computer restarted and still crashed. Her actions greatly affected my joy, so she helped her press the restart button. At this time, the network administrator also heard the voice coming, the woman hurriedly pointed at me and shouted: "Network administrator ! Network administrator ! Just now I restarted several times and there are still pictures! He pressed it! The screen is all black!"

My niece is about one year old, just learning to walk. She is more devoted to pushing a plastic bench everywhere. The tile floor is slippery at home. Every time she falls down, my mother helps her. She cries and tears rush. Once upon a time, she fell down and saw my mother coming. Then her mouth was flat, was ready to cry. My mother pretended not to see her and passed by. When he saw my mother gone, he didn't cry, so he got up and played on his own. As a rule, this is not the point. The point is that when my mother sees that she was not crying, she went over and holds her up and asks: "Has the baby hurt?" Two seconds later, "wow ...", crying loudly!!

On Sunday, I went to the park with my 4-year-old cousin. There was a basketball court surrounded by barbed wire, and there was a big hole in the wired net, which only one ball could be in and out. Then a basketball bounced out (from the hole) and came to our feet. The basketball players politely asked us to throw the ball back. I was a little lazy and told my cousin to pass the ball from the hole to the brother who played basketball. Seeing my cousin think for more than ten seconds, pick up the basketball and run away immediately. After running out for 5-6 meters, he returned to see if I could catch up with him. He said to me, "Run fast, run fast, we have our own basketball, so we don't have to borrow from our neighbor's sister to play it." Finally, I caught up with him, picked up the little one crying and screaming, and returned the ball.

A dark night, when Mr. Zhang got off work from a software company. Suddenly someone called him to stop. Mr. Zhang looked back and found that it was a policeman. While he stopped, the police asked him, "How many bytes does the bit type have?" He replied weakly, "Four ... four!" The police said with satisfaction, "Okay, you can go!" Mr. Zhang looked curious. "Comrade police, why are you asking me such a question?" The police responded, "Walking down the street late at night, And  looks like a bit of a poor. Not the programmer, then is a thief!"

The story background:   Being in Wuhan, wearing high heels for   the first time...  If   you are living in Wuhan, then you know that the bus in Wuhan is more speeding   than the speeding party, so I finally got on the bus and the fifth brake fell   magnificently to the left side, the whole person fell down in the bus aisle,   left foot sprained for half a day and could not climb up... Of course, this   is not the point ... The Point was the car that immediately went to the arch bridge   of Jianghan Bridge, so I wasn't able to get up yet!    I started to slide down!  Slide from the front to the middle door!  When   I got off the bridge, I slid from the middle door to the front of the car   again!    The people on the bus laughed wildly.  It wasn't until Xinhua Bookstore Station   that I was lifted up!  And someone recorded...

Usually, I do all the company's interviews, so I meet all kinds of people! Yesterday, a girl dressed as a non-mainstream came to interview for a management job. I asked her, "what kind of management you had, or whether you had any experience in management?" The child blurt out,"Uncle, I have been QQ group administrator!"

Just think about it! I don’t know what I am doing on my computer all day long ?! The more, I can't make any money! !